Compilation

Forgetting another good one

never not thinking about Poison Jr

this site is genuinely breathtaking sometimes

[image description: three images. the first is a blank tumblr blog with the description, "not a TERF but I do believe in their beliefs //." the second image is a screenshot containing the text, "I'm not Count Olaf," Count Olaf said," and the third is a screenshot of a reblog on a tumblr post where user aryanprincess1488 has said, "bitch [caps] where did I ever say I was a Nazi [end caps]." end image description]

when my gf tells me to look at a post it's either a funny meme, a cute animal, or the most vile, disgusting, inhumane porn art I've ever seen and I can never know for sure which one it'll be next

she asked me to come over and look at something and I, fully expecting a sillay meme, was instead visually assaulted by an image of two people of indeterminate gender with 3' long cocks talking about how stinky they are. I looked away for a moment and when I turned back to her, she showed me yaoi art where the seme was WinRAR and the uke was a file folder. She shows this to me as if it's a funny prank and not as if she has just raised dozens of questions that I will never get a satisfying answer to

Girl if you keep carrying all those bags for me I'll explode

the woman in the river shows me an axe of silver and asks if it is the one I lost. I respond that it is. she produces an axe of gold and asks the same question again. I shamefully look away, not sure whether I'm comfortable admitting that I was dual wielding

she stares at me in abject confusion as I take stock of my tools. a look of dissatisfaction brews on her face. "but why is one golden?" the woman asks.

I tug nervously at my coat, feeling the slightest bit insulted. "well, it's not cheap to have a matching pair," I tell her. "not everyone can afford two golden axes."

"why not two silver axes?"

"I had the money for one golden axe."

the woman crosses her arms. "but the gold is worse for everything you'd want an axe to do."

"it's not. it was more expensive and also really hard to find."

"gold" she says, "is softer than silver."

"it's literally not, though," I say. "that's a really common misconception, but pure silver is softer than gold."

"most metal sold as silver is actually an alloy. that axe is probably sterling silver. I don't believe for a second someone made you a pure silver axe."

I look at my axe, then back to the woman, then back to my axe.

"it was pure silver when it went into the river."

an unreadable expression. with a great splash, the woman disappears into the current.

for three days and three nights, I wander along the river's edge, hoping to find the woman again. I throw rocks, twigs, and once or twice a weird looking animal into the water. it's all to no avail.

on the final evening, I see a glint at the river's mouth. I run as quickly as I can, knowing I've finally found... oh for fuck's sake, it's just silver-plated. I lob the awful thing into the river with a huff.

"how can you tell?" asks the woman, peeking out of the water. "that could be the one you've lost."

"it's not."

"but you won't cut your losses and move on," she gestures wide, "one axe the richer?"

"that's too wide of a gesture for a cheap knick knack," I say, gesturing modestly in some approximation of how much I think the silver-plated axe is worth. the woman seems annoyed.

"I've been telling you, you have your real axe. the gold axe is the one that sucks."

"so what?" I spit. "are you suggesting I just use two cheap silver axes instead of my cool pure silver and gold axes?"

she groans. "I honestly would, man."

>:0

I'LL FUCKING DO IT AGAIN

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